I'm tired of this emptiness.

"I'll buy a full set-all of them. I'll buy them. All."
"That's the reason I wanna go to South Korea. I'll work hard and make a lot of money. Then, I'll buy those drums, guitars, etc. I'll have my own studio."

I smiled widely. I really love it when seeing him spoke his mind. His sparkling eyes, his cute face, I love every of them.

"Yaaa.. I won't stop you, because I love music just like you"

I keep wanting to see you. I keep craving on you. The memories keep overflowing on their own. They keep cutting me. It hurts, it hurts, so much.. It hurts so much..
It's suffocating. Frustrating.

Sleepless nights, countless nightmares. I'm drowning.

"Hey.. ", He started the conversation after singing some songs that's actually not so familiar to me.
There, I was just laid lazily close to him, doing nothing, but listening to those songs that he proudly said as his. He composed them all.

"Yes?", a short reply from me.

"Have you ever write a poem in English? May I read it? Maybe I could compose a new song and use it as the lyrics.."

I saw his eyes sparkled. It happened every time he told me about all the things he loved. I'd always felt the excitement. That's why I love seeing him right in his eyes.
"Yes, I have some. You can read them all..or.. You can simply compose your songs and I'll write the lyrics for you." I smiled.

"Really? I want to have an English lyrics song since long time ago. Promise me you'll write it for me. I'll let you know when I'm done with the melodies."
He closed our conversation there and started to sing some other songs.

"Ya.. Ya.. " I hold my laugh.
Well, may I said that a writer and a singer/composer would make us work as a good team? LOL

June, 14 2016

Memories.

"At that time, I really enjoyed spending time with you, even if we were just going to be sitting around and talking about nothing. There are a million things I love about you, like your nose or the way you smile, the way you look me in the eye, too. And I just got the greatest feeling when I made you laugh. I feel as if my company made you happy, and that was what I wish for you. For you to be happy. And when I saw you laugh at my clumsy ways, it just made me wanted to spend the rest of my life with you so I could see a smile on your face."

However, the past is in the past. The word 'Thank you' is the only one that left.

Thank you for taking care of me, for all the sweet memories, for everything. May happiness always be with you.

"Maybe we feel empty because we leave pieces of ourselves in everything we used to love."

Then, how to fill up these hole?

Let ourselves be ourselves, be happy, be a sweet gentle soul to embrace this every broken piece. Within the time, the whole pieces will be renewed once again. 
At last, we will eventually find our better selves as long as we could learn from it.
Be grateful. Appreciate life more than before.

June 5, 2016.

"The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize the situation is over, you can not move forward." - Steve Maraboli

"Have Fun and find yourself once again." - Me

June 4, 2016.

Dan tak akan pernah ada aku yang lain di diri orang lain.

June 4, 2016.

Do you remember the place?
Do you remember the moment?

Do you remember her?

Selamat pagi, hujan.
Padamu kagumku,
kekal rinai jatuh berulang,
menyatukan langit dan bumi.

Salam dingin, hujan.
Padamu titipku,
deras abu-abu gelap kelam,
mengaburkan pandang dan ingatan.

Selamat tinggal, hujan.
Padamu pintaku,
alunan gemericik sayup sendu,
membungkam kenangan dan rindu.

09:41 A.M.
June, 18th 2016

March 30, 2016

Ganjil; untuk pertama kalinya merasakan hal ini. Ya, sesak, bahkan sulit untuk bernafas, ingin menangis keras, bolehkah? Tapi sama sekali tidak ada air mata yang mengalir..
Habiskah? Tidak. Namun, entahlah..

Dan pada hari ini aku benar-benar mengakhiri semuanya.. Perjuangan; harapan.
Tidak akan ada penyesalan karena aku tau, aku telah memberikan semuanya. Aku tau, aku telah menyampaikan semuanya.

Welcome back, my old life.

Semoga selalu berbahagia.

Kamu.

Mungkin memang lebih baik berjalan di jalannya masing-masing. Kesempatan kedua tak akan berarti apapun jika kita hanya mengulang kesalahan yang sama.

"Bukankah seharusnya kita sama-sama sabar berjuang? Bisakah aku, juga kamu, kita, berhenti menyalahkan keadaan?"

Kalimat-kalimat yang aku paksa berhenti untuk mempertanyakannya.

Go if you want to go. I won't hold you, no more.

Fly high and reach your dream.
Thanks for making me confused for all of this time.

Aku tahu kau menganggapku sebagai perempuan yang mandiri dan kuat. Aku bisa menyelesaikan banyak hal sendiri.

Tapi, apakah aku memang sekuat itu?

Padahal saat ini, detik ini, aku ingin mengeluhkan banyak hal, aku ingin berteriak, dan aku lelah.

Aku menangis.

Inilah perempuan yang kau anggap kuat selama ini.